


Slow Healing

by SageOfStorms



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, It Gets Better, M/M, NSFW, Smut, Suicide mention, i'm sorry nagisa, nagirei - Freeform, reigisa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-11-20 16:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11339484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageOfStorms/pseuds/SageOfStorms
Summary: Nagisa is traumatized by an attack and can't heal from the damage he's left with.A beautiful scene turns into a terrible nightmare that will leave this young man broken and unable to fix himself. Can he rely on the one he loves to make it better or will he continue drowning in his trauma?Can Rei save him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, there's heavy shit right away. Be careful! I want to apologize to Hazuki Nagisa for everything??? and to Rei because he has to watch??   
> Either way, thank you for reading and let's hope I don't drop this one!!!

                Magenta eyes pinned to the horizon, the sun looked like it was slowly sinking into the sea. The sky was painted with deep colors of red, orange, purple, pink, and blue. Golden hair rustled by the same wind that carried the clouds away, but it was too soft to carry the sand off his body. He looked beautiful there, like that was exactly where he was supposed to be, like time was supposed to stop and he was supposed to be held there forever.

                Nagisa had decided to take a detour on his way home and swam in the sea, he was now covered in sand and decided just to walk along the beach until he was dry enough to put his normal clothes on over his swimsuit. Of course underneath his clothes he was wearing a swimsuit all day.

                He wished his friends were with him, he didn’t like the quiet, he didn’t like the loneliness and somehow his stomach was in knots that he couldn’t quite place. Honestly, he would have preferred anything to the quiet, his paranoia was peaking and having anyone on the beach, anyone else with him at all, would have made him feel safer.

                Night was approaching, of course he was nervous that something would happen, but he didn’t want to turn around. Nagisa knew that if he turned around and nothing was there that he would feel initial relief, but after the relief faded his paranoia would get worse and he wouldn’t be able to stop turning around.

                Instead of letting his anxieties get to him, he focused again on the sea and sighed contently, his feet stopping so he could take in the scene completely. He stared at the horizon, taking in the smell of the water, the taste of salt in his mouth, the feeling of sand under his feet, and the sound of water moving. When he finally stopped moving, he let his senses fill with the scene, but the peace didn’t last when he heard the sound of sinking footsteps in the sand.

                None of this would have happened if he just turned around.

 

***

                “Please stop!” Nagisa cried out, tears streaming down his face as he struggled against the man who decided to attack him. His swimsuit was at his knees, his school bag and clothes were thrown to the side, and there was a hand on his chest, holding him against a wall. The sounds of cars passing were louder here, it was the night rush, no one would notice them there.

                His attacker was just a regular looking business man, an average face that Nagisa could have easily lost in a crowd. He tried to make eye contact, he tried to make the man realize exactly what he was doing. The man wasn’t fazed even when meeting Nagisa’s eyes, instead he just looked away and sighed angrily.

                His hand met Nagisa’s face with a loud slap, enough force that Nagisa’s head went completely to the side. For a split second Nagisa’s surprise gave the man time to turn Nagisa, the position allowing him to push into the smaller boy. Nagisa’s mouth opened to scream, and a hand covered it, muffling the sound. The hand was bitten.

                “Fuck!” He dug his fingernails into Nagisa’s sides and scratched as hard as he could. Nagisa cried out again as a hand moved from his side and came to his throat. “Comply!”

                “Stop! Get off! Leave me alone!” His crying got worse and the only thing he could think was to start calling for the only person he could. “Rei-chan! Rei-chan!” He screamed. He was hitting the man and trying anything to get free. He was terrified.

                The attacker started choking him so that he couldn’t make a sound and he figured with less airflow, slowly the blonde would have to get tired and stop struggling.

                That’s exactly what happened. Nagisa started losing strength and eventually all his energy was put into crying. He wanted to fight, it was painful, rubbing against the wall was burning and scratching his skin, the man fucking him roughly, he could feel the blood on his leg, the pressure from the choking, and the arm that was choking his torso so that the man could stay inside were all painful.

                “I’m gonna…” The man breathed, whispering it into Nagisa’s ear. It took a second for it to register, but then a burst of energy hit Nagisa and he started fighting again, trying to get the man out, but in the end, it was in vain.

                The man held him there for a second, letting the feeling of Nagisa’s ass soak into his skin before pulling out and leaving Nagisa on the sand. Night had fallen, and Nagisa watched the figure walk away, and before long, he was alone.

                He laid there, knowing he could do so much more than lay there, he could have gone to Haru’s house, or Mako’s house, or Rei’s hou-…no, he couldn’t go there. He could go home, he could go to the police, he could call his parents, he could put his clothes on, he could get back in the ocean and let the ocean carry away what just happened or drown himself instead of living with the reality that _that_ just happened.  


***

He laid there and he cried. Blood was drying on his face and chest, on his leg, his sides. Nagisa was tired and he couldn’t find any motivation whatsoever. Soon, he pulled up his swimsuit and dragged himself across the sand.He hardly moved a few meters before he stopped and laid next to his bag. He pulled out his phone and turned it on to look at his lockscreen, he swipped away the missed calls and texts, just looking at him and his friends at their last swim meet of the season that just ended.

He focused on one in particular before turning off his phone and dropping it beside him.

                _“Rei-chan…”_ He whispered to himself and began crying again. “Rei-chan, Rei- chan, Rei-chan…Mako-chan, Haru-chan, Rei-chan…” He didn’t know why he was crying for his friends, he didn’t want them to see him like this, but he also didn’t want to be alone.

Eventually, Nagisa just passed out on the sand, crying out for Rei until he lost consciousness.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei is trying his best, man. Nagisa is more broken than expected, but then again, how can Rei expect anything when Nagisa won't talk to anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is here on time!!  
> Thanks for reading "Slow Healing" and here's to hoping for more readers!!

“What do you mean Nagisa hasn’t been home since this morning, didn’t he go home right after school??” The young man yelled into the phone, his mouth wide open in shock.

“No, he said he was going to go to the beach  first and he never came home.” The voice on the phone said. “I got a call from Nagisa’s mother, then I called Haru, I’m on my way to his place. You should come over, too, Rei. We should go look for him together.”  


                “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hung up the phone and put on his glasses. It was almost midnight and Rei had been going to sleep when he got a call from Makoto. Now he was getting dressed and getting ready to leave.

 _Where the hell are you, Nagisa?_ He thought to himself as he ran from his house down the street towards Haru’s place. His legs burned after a while, but his heartache hurt worse, so he kept pushing forward.

Soon enough he had made it Haru’s and instead of immediately going out to search for Nagisa, Makoto ushered Rei into the house. Haru was sitting on the step and had his head in his hands, he wasn’t shaking or making any noise, but he still seemed awfully upset. Makoto got Rei to sit on the step and spoke quietly.

“Nagisa has been found, our understanding was that he was attacked on the beach. He was found unconscious and beaten pretty bad, he was kind of bloody. He won’t talk at all. I asked his mother if we could come and see in the hospital tonight, and when she asked him he reacted badly, so we probably won’t see him for a few days, but he’ll be back soon enough.” Makoto’s voice was quiet and calm.

“Why would he go swimming? It’s September, swimming season is over! It’s 20° C (68° F) degrees outside right now, he could be sick! “ Rei stood up with his eyes full of disbelief. How could this happen to someone like Nagisa? Why would he put himself in a place where no one else would be? He could have gotten sick outside like that, so why would he just leave himself there? Why? Why? How? Why?

“He probably just went for a dip in the ocean and then walked on the beach, it’s not so strange for him.” Makoto’s voice was still calm, but now it seemed false.

“Rei, calm down, there’s nothing we can do now.” Haru’s voice was monotone as ever and frankly, that was irritating. Rei had to take a second to process and get over it.

“I’m going home. Goodnight.” Rei walked out the door without another word and went home. He couldn’t process what he was just told and instead of trying to figure it out, he just pushed it away and went to sleep.

***

                Tuesday came and Nagisa didn’t come to school. If anything happened at all, Rei would look behind him to see Nagisa’s reaction like he always did, and the empty seat behind him was a grim reminder that he was probably in bed, staring at a wall or out the window. Rei was reminded that Nagisa was so beaten and miserable after what happened that he didn’t want to see his friend and won’t return any emails Rei sends.

                But he still looks behind him every few minutes like maybe sometime when he looks, Nagisa will be there, laughing at him and calling out to him. _Rei-chaaaan!_

***

                Wednesday came and Nagisa didn’t. The teacher asked the class who would take his work home for him, and silently, the entire class looked at Rei.

                When he went over Nagisa’s dad answered the door, his face dropping when he saw a known friend of his son standing there. Before he could even tell Rei that Nagisa didn’t want any visitors, Rei held out Nagisa’s classwork wordlessly and left.

***

                He went back over on Thursday. Nagisa’s mother took the work and tried to smile for Rei, but her eyes were extremely sad despite her best efforts.  Rei’s eyes were instead focused on the bandages he saw on Nagisa’s face and arm when he walked past. Nagisa noticed him and stared for a second before he scurried away.

                Rei had never seen Nagisa look so broken down and sad.

                _How could the sun stop shining like that?_

***

                Friday came along and Makoto gathered Haru and Rei or a visit. Mrs.Hazuki thought it was high time Nagisa had some visitors. Maybe they could get him to talk. Her best hope was that they could get him to say what happened. Even if they didn’t, any words out of his mouth were better than the silence he’s been sinking in for 3 days.

                When they arrived there was a loud bang inside the house. All three of them winced and gave a quick glance at the other two. Makoto knocked on the door gently and Nagisa’s mom answered. She looked tired and her face was red.

                “I’m sorry, boys, but Nagisa locked himself in his room, I don’t think you’ll have much of a visit with him like that.” She gave another false smile but the boys stared at her with sorrow in their souls.

                “Could we maybe try to lure him out?” Rei asked with the politest tone he could manage. The woman thought for a second before opening the door wider to let them in.

                Haru and Makoto lead the way to Nagisa’s bedroom and tried the handle. They looked at each other in surprise. Rei was confused and asked them what was wrong.

                “In the seven years we’ve known Nagisa…”Makoto began, seemingly at a loss for words on how to finish his though.

                “He’s never locked the door.” Haru finished.

***

                Both Haru and Makoto tried to lure him out to no avail. Haru tried first.

                “Nagisa…” He began, leaning his ear against the door, listening for movement inside. “We’re here for you. You can…talk to us. We’re your friends.” Haru really tried, but he’s not a man of many words and he surely wasn’t the type to know what to say at a time like this.

                Makoto knocked softly on the door. He also pressed his ear against the door and sighed. “Nagisa, we just want to help. We know you’re going through a lot and you just want to process this on your own, but you don’t have to be alone…I mean, whatever is the matter, we can help you. We as in Me, Haru, Rei, and even Rin. Rin’s worried, too, you know? He’s just not able to come right now. Nagisa, you don’t have to be all alone.”

                No sounds came after the meaningful words from Haru and Makoto. The pair looked at Rei as he approached the door, melancholy and hope staring him in the face. He pressed his ear against the door and heard nothing, and he took a deep breath.

                “Nagisa, please…” was all he could get himself to say. He was usually very controlled by emotion and could always say _something_  but his mind completely blanked. Rei listened, It was all he had, and the silence turned into sniffles.

                “ _Rei-chan…_ ” A small, tired, sad voice whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos kick my ass into gear! Please tell me how much you hate me for doing this to those poor babies and if you like it!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa's back at school, but after all that's happened, what will he be like? What has it done to him? What will it do to Rei? Will they be ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible person and this chapter sucks. It'll be better in Chapter 4.  
> Thanks for reading!

                He knew he heard his name, a voice that hadn’t spoken in days broke the silence with his name. They trio sat there for ten minutes after, hoping, waiting, but in the end they had to go home. Rei didn’t sleep so well that night, his mind full of everything it shouldn’t be in this situation, terrible scenarios of what happened to put out Nagisa’s light.

 Nagisa didn’t come to school on Saturday either. Now Rei was in school and his focus was on the fact that he was sleep deprived and the sound of Nagisa’s voice that spoke volumes of a damaged heart, replaying over and over again.

                He took Nagisa’s homework to his house and Nagisa’s mom took the work, unable to make eye contact with Rei, she didn’t speak or react, she just took the work and slowly closed the door.

***

                Monday came and in the back of the class sat a boy made of sunshine, but on this occasion, he was surrounded by heavy rainclouds. He didn’t look up, he didn’t speak, he was physically present but he wasn’t _there._ The entire class looked at him, but no one spoke, and if he noticed, he didn’t say anything.

                Class went on as usual, the teacher called on everyone to read, but when he called Nagisa’s name out of routine, a tension filled the class, the noise of NAgisa’s chair startled the entire class, but in the end, he couldn’t bring the words to his lips. The teacher let him sit down and went to the next person without a word. Nagisa silently worked on his worksheets and didn’t ask any questions.

                When lunch came around, he didn’t move to sit with Rei, he actually didn’t eat at all. Rei looked at him and noticed that he looked much thinner than usual, like he’s lost 5 kilograms in less than a week. Nagisa had patches and bandages on his face and arm, and if anyone looked close enough, they could see the lines from them under his shirt. His right wrist was heavily bandaged and Rei had to push away the thought of what that might mean.

                Rei moved his chair over to Nagisa’s desk and opened his bento, offering some to Nagisa. When Nagisa put his head down in a silent refusal to eat, Rei felt like all the air in his chest had been knocked out.

                “You have to eat! You’ll make yourself sicker by doing this to yourself. Here,” He held out some chicken to Nagisa. “Eat this.”

                Nagisa looked up and the empty, dulled out eyes that greeted Rei made him immediately pull away. A quick apology was dropped as Rei pulled his chair back to his desk. Rei ended up eating his lunch alone. Again.

                Classes went by and Rei felt awful. The desire to turn all class long was terrible, but he knew he shouldn’t turn around because if he turned around once, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

                The teacher’s voice mulled on about something Rei couldn’t really focus on. Too fight the thoughts of Nagisa, he just had to zone out, to keep himself from looking behind him, he had to make all thoughts disappear. When the entire class went silent, he suddenly snapped out of it.

                All eyes were focused on the back of the class. Rei suddenly wished he had turned around minutes before. Everyone was looking at Nagisa who had been crying, but now that he was the center of attention, it went into full blown panic. His eyes were wide as he looked around, when they met Rei’s eyes, Nagisa quickly stood and everyone’s gazes followed.

                “Mr.Hazuki, are you alright?” The teacher asked ask gently as he could, mixing calmness and concern into his voice almost perfectly. Nagisa nodded, his face falling, he sat down and the teacher spoke again. “Ryugazaki, take Mr. Hazuki to the infirmary, will you?”

                Rei nodded and the pair left the classroom.

***

                No words were exchanged on the way to the infirmary, not for any reason other than there was really nothing to say. Rei didn’t know what was wrong but he also didn’t feel like he had to ask. Nagisa was full of emotions and tensions and he wanted to stop crying but he couldn’t. He cried silently, the way that one could only cry when they want to disappear, when the pain is so great that they’d rather just not exist. Or, maybe, it was the kind of quiet crying that happened before an explosion, the calm before a storm.

                Rei wanted to reach for him, to give him some kind of comfort, but he felt too distant. Nagisa’s eyes that were so empty at lunch suddenly became full of sorrow and melancholy, and neither of those were anywhere near familiar or usual.

                They made it to the infirmary and Rei decided it’d be best to say _something_ before they parted.

                “Nagisa…do you need me to stay?” Rei looked down at him, trying to make an expression that would make him feel safe, maybe? Nagisa’s eyes stared into Rei’s, words weren’t exchanged, but in his look, Rei could finally understand some part of Nagisa’s sorrow. Looking into Nagisa’s beautiful magenta eyes, Rei got an idea of how deep his sadness really was.

                Nagisa shook his head and went into the infirmary, closing the door behind him, cutting Rei off. As Rei walked away, he heard the Nurse saying something along the lines of.

                “Nagisa, your mother told me…” but after that, Rei was too far away to hear.

***

                Rei waited for Nagisa after school, but when Nagisa came out of the gates, he didn’t greet Rei, he just walked with him.

                “Do you want to go straight home? We could go for a walk. Anywhere you want.” Rei’s tried to make his voice sound cheerful. He definitely didn’t want to ask what happened, but maybe if they elongated their journey home, Nagisa would so _something._

                Nagisa stopped walking. His face was covered by his hair, but the atmosphere between Rei and Nagisa was suddenly tense.

                “Rei…I think it would be better that I just walk home alone.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn rushed in with falling leaves and warmer clothes. November crept in and Nagisa slipped away with the remnants summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres like 2 chapters left, unless I decide to torture myself but that's already happening with my Ereri fic so probably not.  
> Thanks for reading!!

                After Nagisa said goodbye to Rei on that September day, he missed school another day and came back with a smile on his face. It was fake, his sunlight was replaced with florescence lighting. No one would notice, no one would really suspect that slowly, slowly the sunshine inside of him was being smothered by rain.

                Makoto and Haru noticed, Rei definitely noticed, but no one said anything. Nagisa was doing this for a reason, and even though they didn’t know what that reason might be, they knew it was better just not to ask.

                Rei caught glimpses of his wounds when they were still new, angry red marks peeking out from beneath bandages, gauze, and medical tape. In those moments, he wanted to burst, he wanted to _know_ just what the absolute hell happened. The silence he fell into was suffocating, but he knew he had to do that for the one he loved.

                They tried to invite him over, they tried to get him out of the house and they wanted him to hang out. It was cooling down and they wanted to get to do spend time before winter came. Sometimes he would come, yet would never really stay for long, but usually Nagisa would politely deny, saying he had things to do or he wasn’t feeling well enough and didn’t want to ruin their fun.

                Slowly, slowly, Nagisa faded into the background and his friends never really wanted to go out anymore. It couldn’t hope to be the same without his laughter. There was no point if Nagisa wasn’t there with them.

                September ended, October came and went along with any hopes of heat. Autumn rushed in with falling leaves and warmer clothes. November crept in and Nagisa slipped away with the remnants of summer.

                Rei saw him every day and they would say good morning and they would eat lunch, talking about stuff that didn’t matter. They talked like they always had, but Nagisa’s eyes went back to emptiness and his smile never reached them.

                And Nagisa stopped walking home with Rei, he didn’t want to see the ocean, so he found another route that wasn’t in the way that Rei was going. It was lonely, but still, Rei didn’t want to ask any questions or force Nagisa to do anything he didn’t want to do.

                After a short while, Rei noticed an emptiness growing in his own heart. It was sad but manageable at first, but it quickly became almost painful. On one fateful day, it was too much to bear and Rei knew he had to make a change.

                “Nagisa, we should do something, like study or just hang out. It’s been a long time.” Rei looked at him, his heart feeling both empty and full, full of longing. Nagisa played his part again and shined a false smile.

                “Sorry, Rei-chan, I have errands to run. Maybe next time!” He said this every time. _Next time, next time, next time._ There wasn’t going to be a next time because every time…Nagisa had to go.

                Rei and Nagisa parted at the train station, and on the platform, Rei wondered if maybe he could bring summer back. Chase away winter so that the ice could never reach _him._

***

                One day, in the middle of November, Rei got off the train at Nagisa’s stop. This is the way it used to be, Rei would walk Nagisa home and they usually studied, or Rei would just catch the next train.

                After the incident, Nagisa told Rei to just go home, that he had things to do and didn’t want to waste Rei’s time, or another excuse so that Rei would just _go_. He didn’t want to cry in front of Rei, he didn’t want to bother Rei, he didn’t want to have to fill the silence when he was actually too exhausted to keep the act, and most of all, he hated the way walking home with Rei made him _feel._ Nagisa was scared that he would be attacked again every single day, but when Rei was with him, he was scared that maybe Rei would be attacked, too, or worse, maybe Rei would be the one attacking.

                Nagisa tried to stay silent about it, talking about nothing, but after they were the only two walking the streets, Nagisa felt the pang in his chest, something telling him that he needed to run..

                “Hey, maybe I should walk home alone, Rei-ch-“

                “No! You…you…” Rei was suffocating, he was lonely, he felt abandoned, he couldn’t go home like this. “Why don’t you want me anymore? Why…why do you want me to go away? Why can I just be here for you, I can see you’re breaking and I can’t help you, let me…let me heal you.”

                “You can’t! This isn’t…a wound that can be healed. I’m not able to be fixed, I’m broken. Shattered. Can’t you find someone better? Someone who is…whole?” Nagisa and Rei were both crying, the emotion was so high that Nagisa couldn’t stand to look, to watch as Rei realized that it would be better to go.

                His eyes widened when he felt his body being brought into a strong embrace. Nagisa didn’t feel trapped, he felt a relief so strong that he was shaking.

                “Nagisa, there is no one better. I can’t leave you. Never” He was warm, and awkwardly confident but it was appropriate. This moment was needed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa had given him a piece of his pain and if Rei pulled on it at all, Nagisa would unravel.

                Night feel on them and they elected to just go their separate ways. Rei felt more confident now, he felt like he could walk away without having to worry that Nagisa will be sad, that Nagisa is crumbling. Finally, Rei could give Nagisa the support that he needed. He caught the train home and felt content, finally, _finally,_ progress.

                Nagisa felt relief initially, but walking home in the dark was terrifying after what he had been through. Every noise, every voice, every step, and Nagisa lost himself, suddenly he could feel his lungs filling with sand. The sand that he wished had been his deathbed, the sand the covered his body with his blood, was carried around with him always and now, it was slipping inside of him.

                He wasn’t hydrated enough to start crying, he was tired and when he made it home, his mother was in plain sight of the doorway, a phone to her ear, an expression that screamed “no, not again” before she registered that Nagisa was home. She ran to him and her motherly warmth didn’t reach him, he was hollow again, which was the most unfortunate after Rei had left him feeling full. Nagisa didn’t move, didn’t hug back, he just stood, suppressing all feeling until it was gone. He felt it was the only way to be safe.

                He went to his room and suddenly he was being flooded by the tides that he wanted to carry him, since the attack the beach has been smothering his life and he’s learned to just let it. He was flooded with the sorrow, the hopelessness, the isolation, the loneliness. Thoughts of Rei filled his head and while before they gave him hope, they now made it worse. He dragged Rei into it, his goal was to just find the strength to cut him off, to let him go, but now Rei was being pulled back in. Nagisa knew he couldn’t keep a secret forever, and he also knew he wouldn’t be able to watch Rei’s face when Rei discovered the truth. Rei’s face since Nagisa came back has faded, Rei has faded, his friends had faded, Nagisa was already gone and he had to sit back and watch everything fall apart, if only he was strong enough to hold on!

                “Goddammit!” he cursed to himself. On his bed he laid, on his bed he cried, just wishing he didn’t have to exist anymore.

                That man made a decision that changed everything, and honestly, Nagisa can hardly remember his face. The face of the man who unknowingly took away _everything_ was gone from Nagisa’s mind, forced out as to relieve Nagisa’s conscience, and now no one can be accountable. Nagisa is lonely and sad and in pain and no one can know and he is dying-

                “I may as well be dead!” He yelled, hurling a pillow across his room. He had anger and pain and a wild look in his eyes and the look was quickly blinked away. It’s been nearly two months and he wasn’t healing, he was scarring physically but the wound has still new and bleeding in his heart. He felt dead all day and he tried to be considerate of his friends but it just became a heavy burden that he just _could not_ carry alone.

He’d thought about it plenty, of course, suicide, killing himself, he didn’t want to be here and so many times has he thought it would just be easier, but he always came back to “I have to make it out for Rei”.

Rei…Nagisa has been in love with Rei since their first time meeting on the train. He was worth living for, he was worth _dying_ for, he was _worth protecting._

Maybe dying was the only way Nagisa could protect Rei from the pain that he had to burden. Nagisa had given him a piece of his pain and if Rei pulled on it at all, Nagisa would unravel.

Nagisa could never let Rei know and he decided that he had to keep it away best he could. Never would the look of pure sadness grace Rei’s face, no, Rei would never know. Nagisa would make him sad, losing a friend would cause anyone to cry, but humans have a way of moving on when death, something so irreversible was involved.

Out his window, down the street, on a train, towards the sea. The overpass next to the beach would be the beginning of his misery and it would be the end.

He ran, he climber out of his window, and ran as fast as he could. Tripping, standing, running, over and over until he made it to the station, his final safehaven before he meets his demise. The train couldn’t make it in time and by time it had made it to the next station it had felt like an eternity. Finally, _finally,_ Nagisa would be free and Rei would be safe.

***

                Nagisa stood in the direct middle between two towering streetlamps, and in the darkness he waited. The wait was long, calculated, he had to do this thing right because who knew if it would even work? Waiting, waiting, waiting, opportunity. Nagisa said a prayer to a nameless god and took a step forward.

                A car was close, too close to stop even if they saw him. The blonde boy didn’t cry, he didn’t make a noise, he let himself fall into complete silence, a fucked up kind of tranquility, a peace that cannot be touched. He knew he’s be free at long last. Nagisa’s eyes were closed and he thought of Rei. A car horn sounded and then Nagisa’s senses faded.

***

                Rei got on the wrong train. It wasn’t an accident, but actually, he was waiting for his own train, it had been stalled and was running late, then he saw Nagisa getting on a train that was headed toward the other part of the city. He followed, quietly.

                Nagisa walked out of the station and Rei almost lost him in the crowds. Once outside, Nagisa started running and Rei stayed just behind. As fast as Rei was, in all of his Track & Field glory, he couldn’t catch up to Nagisa, who was honestly sprinting as fast as a bullet. He made turns and curves, leaving Rei hitting the breaks and losing even more ground.

                Rei lost him around one corner, the lights of cars blinding him, and NAgisa was nowhere. Rei looked and looked but couldn’t find him. He decided to just walk the overpass, staring at the ground. Walking underneath the streetlights. He oassed someone but paid it no mind until it hit him that he knew those shoes.

                He looked at Nagisa just in time to see him step in front of a car.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Nagisa going to be ok? What's going to happen now? Will the truth come out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm a day late! A lot is going on and only being a day late is kind of surprising!  
> Enjoy this chapter!

                A hand wrapped around Nagisa’s arm and pulled him just in time to miss death. The car was so close Nagisa could feel the exact flow of the air surrounding the car. Nagisa’s body came into a warm embrace, a familiar smell, a shaking frame, and a stiff voice rang in his eardrums.

                “What the hell? What the hell? Nagisa, wh-…” Rei was holding him close, hugging so tight Nagisa felt like he was in a blanket burrito. Nagisa started shaking when he realized what had happened, that he wasn’t dead, and Rei was here. “Why would you do that? Why would you try to leave me? What if I wasn’t here? What if I didn’t reach you in time? I would have watched you die!”

                Nagisa’s body was ripped away from Rei’s and Rei held Nagisa out by the shoulders. Tears were streaming down Rei’s face, his glasses were gone from his face, probably thrown in the movements of saving Nagisa. Nagisa could feel him shaking, they could both feel each other shaking clearly. Nagisa just stared, silently tears began to roll down his own face as reality dawned on him.

                For the first time in months there was life and Nagisa’s eyes, sadness was resting in them, and Rei stared back.

                “Rei-chan…what…?” Nagisa’s voice was quiet, to himself, it was a surprising sound to Rei’s ears, but lately, Nagisa has been surprising him often, and in the worst way possible.

                “Why the hell did you try to _kill yourself?”_ Rei was shaking Nagisa a bit now. His grip was tight and kind of hurt, as if Rei was trying to make sure Nagisa couldn’t slip away. Absolutely sobbing, Rei’s face was expressing melancholy and pain, and sadness that could drown a human being in a second. It was unfamiliar and hard to look at.

                “Kill…? Oh, I just…” Nagisa was crying, too, but he was too buried in forced apathy to really feel the sorrow. Desperately he looked for a good reason, but there was nothing at all, nothing to hide behind, no lies that would make it go away. “Rei-chan, you wouldn’t understand!” He finally yelled, his eye shutting tight, Nagisa trying to pull away, but Rei’s hold on him wasn’t going to break so easy. Sure, Nagisa had the strength of a swimmer, but Rei had the strength of a pole vaulter.

                “Then make me understand! Let me _save you!”_ Rei’s hand’s released and he wiped at his face. He took a deep breath. He grabbed his glasses off the sidewalk, the right lens was cracked, put them on and turned away. “I just wish you would talk to me, I mean, I’m here for you. Let’s…get you home.”

***

                Rei walked Nagisa home and not a single word was exchanged. Nagisa was shocked to the core, and now he was completely unavailable, mentally speaking. He followed the routine way of getting home and without Rei starting a conversation, he had nothing to say. All he could do was think and think about that _that just happened._

                _How could that have happened?_ Nagisa thought to himself. _How could he have known?_

“Rei-chan…” Nagisa spoke carefully. “How did you know that I would be there?”

                “I saw you at the train station. My train had an issue and thus was late, it was going to be the next train coming into the station, but I saw you running through the station with a strange look on your face and I had to follow. I wanted to make sure you were safe.” Rei spoke calmly, as if none of that had even happened. “I was wondering the entire time what you were running from, I almost lost you a few times, but I caught up.”

                _I almost lost you, but I caught you before I lost you forever._

***

                They arrived at Nagisa’s house and Nagisa’s mother answered the door with a worried look on her face. Wordlessly, Mrs. Hazuki pulled Nagisa into her arms, and began crying at him.

                “Nagisa! I almost called the police! Where the hell were you? What if you had…no, I couldn’t handle anything bad happening to you! Not again…” She smoothed his hair and looked passed him at Rei. “Thank you for bringing him home.”

                Mr. Hazuki peeked into the room and looked at Rei. “Rei, your parents called us about 20 minutes wondering if you were here. You should probably give them a call and I’ll give you a ride home.”

                Rei went to say something, but Nagisa interrupted before any words can come out of his mouth.

                “He’s staying tonight. Mom already said that he could, right, mom?” Nagisa hadn’t really asked, but he was sure that his mother would immediately agree anyway. Being alone for so long gives him the power to manipulate the situation like that.

                “Yes, yes, of course, I meant to say something, I guess I forgot, I’m…sorry for forgetting and worrying so much, you just…went to get Rei, right?” She said, her voice hopeful, truly wishing that Nagisa had only left to get Rei.

                “Yeah! Rei-chan was going to go home and come back, but his train never came…So I just went to the train station.” Nagisa smiled, the faux light didn’t convince his parents either, but by now, they must have learned to let it go.

                “My phone died just after I told Nagisa I was at the station, so I should probably give them a call. Do you mind if I borrow your phone?”

***

                Rei called his parents, and after his mother’s relief passed, she finally allowed him to stay for the night. They went to Nagisa’s room and when the door closed behind them, tensions were high.

                “Rei-chan, I…” Nagisa’s eyes shut and his face had a painful expression. “We need to talk, I think I need to tell you what happened…I think you should…I think you should know.”

                Rei’s face twisted into shock. _Something happened…and he’s finally going to tell me?_

“Rei-chan, I had went to the beach after school, I just wanted to swim and seem the summer sun before it set…”

_So it's finally coming out, huh? Nagisa's nightmare. The monster that killed the sun…_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos kick my ass into gear! Please tell me how much you hate me for doing this to those poor babies and if you like it!!


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